


After Midnight

by SpriteDarter



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Free! Kink Meme, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpriteDarter/pseuds/SpriteDarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin knows how Haruka feels about Makoto, and when Haru's still despondent about their fight on the trip to Australia, he'll do anything to make Haru feel better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Midnight

_It's just one little fight,_ he says. _Sousuke and I fight all the time._ It's almost a reflex, trying to think that way; like he and Haru each have their best friends, and then they have each other. But it doesn't make any difference. No matter how hard he tries to think that way, wish that version of their lives into being, it's not going to happen. Yeah, Haru has Mako, and then he has Rin; but he has Rin in a very different way than Rin has Haru.   
  
The words might as well bounce right off of Haru's coat sleeve. He stays huddled into his clothes there on the beach, even though the water's right in front of him. There were times when they were all out together last summer, the five of them, when Haru would have stripped down to wade into the fountain. And Rin knows him too well to think it's just the winter weather stopping him.   
  
Being in Australia again throws him off-balance. He's the only one who knows what he's doing here, bringing Haru home to meet the family, to see the world he wants to share, to talk about the memories he's been keeping close to the vest. When Russel asks him if he has a girlfriend back in Japan he just stammers; if he was going to come out to anyone it'd be Russel and Lori, well before he'd ever tell his mom or Gou, but instead he just comes over all shy.   
  
And then the hotel screws up his reservation. It's not until after he's argued with the desk clerk that it occurs to him he could have asked for a cot; he tells himself he's afraid the clerk would just refuse him if he came downstairs again with another demand, but there's a small, guilty part of him that relishes the radiating warmth of Haru's body at his back, the closeness he'd never have dared to actually ask for or seek out, and that he's not about to admit he wants or enjoys.  
  
Not about to admit until, in the middle of the night, he wakens to a faint noise he can't identify. In the dark, his mind runs through all the bedrooms he could possibly be in -- his room at Russel and Lori's, or at his family's house, or his dorm room at Samezuka -- before he lands on the present, the unfamiliar hotel furniture, the warmth at his back, the restrained sniffle.   
  
Still kind of fuzzy-headed with sleep, too groggy to remember why it's a bad idea, he rolls over and wraps an arm around Haru from behind. Haru tenses, immediately, but even that's not enough to make him realize what he should do; he should play it off like an accident, like he's always accidentally snuggling weeping friends in the middle of the night in a freaking double bed, not even king-sized. "Rin?" Haru asks, an uncertain quaver in his voice Rin's not sure he's ever heard before.  
  
This was dangerous. The trip, the shared bed, it was all dangerous; that was why he'd been talking so much, about his years in Australia, about how he'd always admired Haru, how he'd always been thinking about him, aiming towards him, how he was always so aware of Haru's presence in the pool or the bed or anywhere they went. He just couldn't stop himself, not with Haru right there, lonely and scared and silently miserable. He had to make it right somehow.  
  
"He doesn't hold it against you," Rin whispered into Haru's trembling, rigid shoulderblade. "He understands you're freaked out--"  
  
"He's leaving me," Haru said. "He's going to Tokyo."  
  
And Rin's going to Australia, but he hasn't said that yet. Would Haru cry at night over that? "He's not leaving you, he's just... going to school," he tries, feeling how hollow the words are. Haru just doesn't want things to change. It doesn't matter how they change; he's scared of it happening. He's probably felt it like a knife or a punch every time Rin talked about the two of them going into the same world, leaving behind the one where they could all swim together.   
  
Leaving behind the world Mako's in.  
  
Like that makes any kind of difference. Like Mako going to school in Tokyo means he'll stop looking at Haru like he's made of every good thing in the world, or like Haru going pro, even in Australia, would somehow make him forget the other half of himself. Like Haru can't go to Tokyo himself.   
  
"He's not leaving you behind," Rin whispers. "You wouldn't leave him behind no matter what you did, either. I'm not going to stop being friends with Sousuke just because he can't swim anymore, or with--" the words stick in his throat, but they're the most important ones. "Or with you, if you don't go pro."  
  
It's not like Haru relaxes, but the tension in his frame changes somehow. "I get it. I understand why you hate it, because I'd hate if you-- didn't keep going, if I didn't have you to aim for, but I'd still-- He still loves you, Haru!"   
  
Rin's still pulling himself together from the feeling like he just confessed his own love instead of Mako's when Haru speaks.   
  
"Not like I love him," he says, so quietly Rin's not sure he was meant to hear, but there's no un-hearing it. There's that stabbing feeling, just like he was thinking about a minute ago. Worse than he remembered ever feeling it before. He's suddenly freshly aware of everything about both their bodies; his nose and chin pressed to Haru's back, his hand on Haru's chest, his leg against Haru's.   
  
He's not expecting Haru to roll over, which does at least remove his hardening cock from immediate risk of contact with Haru's ass or his leg, but puts their faces centimeters away from each other. All he can see is Haru's eyes, swimming with tears, Haru's sweat-damp hair, his lips; and all he can do after that is press his lips to Haru's forehead and crush him into his chest, the best hug he can manage with one arm awkwardly curled underneath him.   
  
He holds Haru like that for a while, feeling his shoulders shake, feeling the ache of unshed tears at the back of his own throat. There's one time he can't cry, it turns out. He rubs Haru's back awkwardly, and after a minute Haru shifts his weight so Rin can get the other arm under him and hold him wrapped in both arms. One of the things he most wanted in the whole world. _Be careful what you wish for,_ he thinks, one of those English proverbs where they only use the first half. The other half, the punchline, is that you just might get it.   
  
You just might get your rival and friend and idol and inspiration, the guy -- are they boys or men now? -- you've loved since you were twelve, there in your arms in bed, and heartbroken over someone else. _Stupidly_ heartbroken, because when the two of them just talk, they'll work everything out, and they'll look back on this and laugh. Maybe Rin will even be able to join them in that someday. For right now, he just murmurs Haru's name, and makes soothing sounds, and he keeps kissing Haru's hair, and his forehead, and wiping his tears with his fingers like he can just make them go away.   
  
And his lips keep getting closer to Haru's -- a kiss on the cheek, the side of his nose where his skin's wet with tears, the corner of his jaw -- until finally their lips brush, once and then again, and there's never a moment when either of them pulls back in realization of what they're doing. Haru's lips part, Haru's tongue meets his and yields as Rin deepens the kiss, and even though Haru's kissing him back, Haru's responding, Haru's hands are finding their way under the hem of Rin's shirt, Rin forces himself to break the kiss. He grabs two fistfuls of Haru's shirt and buries his face in Haru's shoulder, breathing hard; already he's regretting that he wasn't paying close enough attention, wasn't memorizing every detail of something that'll never happen again.   
  
He half expects Haru to say something, or to pull back, but when his weight shifts he feels something hard brush his thigh,and Haru's hand is rubbing his side tentatively. He lifts his head, and takes in Haru's heavy-lidded gaze, hears "Rin?" in a voice that sounds more like the real Haru -- calm, mostly, a little worried, but not like his heart's in the middle of breaking -- and he kisses Haru again.   
  
They sit up to take their shirts off, eventually. They fall back on top of the covers, kissing even more, hands all over each other, and Rin keeps expecting Haru to freeze up, or pull away, to stop him somehow. But he doesn't. He doesn't seem all that sure of himself, no, his touch light and uncertain; he keeps echoing Rin's movements, like he wouldn't have thought of kissing Rin's neck until Rin did the same to him. But he's getting braver as they keep going, his hands dipping beneath Rin's waistband, and it crosses Rin's mind that maybe _he_ should stop this.   
  
Maybe he should, but he can't, not when Haru's hand slides down inside his underwear and circles his shaft, gently and almost curiously, like he's not really sure what to do with it. It's not enough, but it's more than he ever hoped for. And it's reason enough for him to keep going, to work Haru's pants down over his hips, to slip out of Haru's grasp and take Haru's cock in his mouth.   
  
This, he's never done before, though he's thought about it to the point of obsession. It's different than he imagined; it's better, hearing the sounds Haru's making, the way he pants and gasps. "Be careful," Haru mumbles at one point, one of the only things he's said since they started kissing; Rin's not sure if he's worried about teeth or about Rin somehow hurting himself, but while Haru's hips thrust erratically, there's no way that will hurt him.   
  
_Now,_ he's memorizing. The salty taste of Haru on his tongue, the feel of his cock in Rin's mouth and hands; the rough hotel comforter under them, the way Haru's breathing, the fingers digging into his shoulders and the way Haru's thighs tense and tremble. Rin half expects to hear Mako's name at some point, but if anything Haru goes silent when he comes, with nothing except the spurting in Rin's mouth to give it away.   
  
Rin sits up, and he lets himself stare; Haru's back to panting, lying there exhausted and perfect in the half-light with his pajama pants and underwear puddled around one leg. Any minute he's going to open his eyes and this will all be over, so Rin burns the sight into his memory as he rubs himself off.   
  
If he'd planned it a little better he might have gone to the bathroom first to grab the kleenex, but he still brings the box back to the bed before Haru sits up. They clean themselves up in near-silence, though Rin chuckles a little when Haru hands him a wad of tissues. By the time he returns to the bed, Haru's managed to reassemble his own pajamas; Rin figures he'll just find his own tank top in the morning.  
  
"I didn't really do anything for you," Haru says, finally, when Rin's climbed back under the covers on his side of the bed.  
  
Rin feels a stirring of alertness in his groin just at the thought of that, but he doesn't want Haru to go down on him out of some kind of sense of obligation, and he's pretty sure it wouldn't be anything else right now. "'Sokay," he says, keeping his tone light. Haru's still got his back to him, but he's not as mummified in the covers as he was, as huddled-up and tightly curled. "I just wanted you to feel a little better."  
  
Wrong thing to say; Haru clutches and tugs at the covers, pulling them tighter around himself. "Haru," Rin says. He doesn't want to spoil the surprise for tomorrow, and he doesn't know if Haru's even going to like it, but he's absolutely certain that even if he loves it, it's not going to change a damn thing, just like nothing would change if Mako were going to the States, or Antarctica. Does he admit that he dragged Haru off to Australia because of Mako's message? Does he go ahead and get it off his chest, tell Haru how he feels and that he knows Haru doesn't feel the same, or does he reassure Haru he's not going to make this weird, he knows it'll never happen again?  
  
"Y'know," he says, instead of any of the other possibilities, "you said he doesn't love you like you love him?" He has to read acknowledgment in the absolute, held-breath stillness of Haru's shoulders. Rin swallows around the lump in his throat. "You might be surprised, is all," he says, and rolls back onto his side, keeping all of himself on his own side of the bed.


End file.
